I'm a perpetual flirt and it gets me into trouble sometimes. Could you guys offer some advice?

I was visiting a local rotary services club the other day with my children and as we were sitting down to order dinner I saw a beautiful woman with double d sized sitting at the table beside me. My wife is in hospital so I felt like it was a good a time as ever to get my mack on and see if I still "had" it. So I left my kids at the table while I strolled over to chat up this bird. I started to talk to her but the first thing she asked me was "are they your children over there?" but not wanting to look like I had baggage I told her that they were leukemia sufferers and I was a worker for the wish come true foundation. My son wandered up to me and pulled at my jacket saying "daddy what are you doing is mummy going to be alright" and I slapped him on the head and told him firmly to "go sit down and to stop calling me that". The woman immediately was repulsed by my actions so I told her that she had a huge nose anyway and went back to my table. I just got a hooker instead after dinner and left my kids in the car outside the brothel. I just need some advice on how to sharpen my game could you guys give me some tips? Thanks.